You’ve seen the setup. You receive a calendar invite out of nowhere. It’s a video call with your manager and a manager from HR. No subject line. Just a quiet meeting and then a calm voice from HR opens with small talk. They smile congratulate you on your offer and ask for feedback. It feels polite. Civil. Professional. They pretend like they’re your best friend and you’re an amazing consultant who can figure out their retention strategy. It’s an exit interview and you should say as little as possible.

This is a trap.

The exit interview is not about helping you. It’s about protecting the company.

According to CEO Monthly, exit interviews give employers a final opportunity to mitigate legal risks, understand why employees are leaving, and protect their brand.

If you’re a professional person who has spoken up, led from the front or challenged toxic leadership then your feedback during an exit interview won’t be seen as constructive. Instead it’ll be spun as confrontational. HR isn’t collecting insight instead they’re building a case file.They could call your future employer and position you as a hack, a liability or a maniac. They’re angry you quit, tarnished their brand and perhaps call them out.

Bottom line: Exit Interviews make HR look and sound bad. Guilty as charged!

The Exit Interview Isn’t Feedback Rather It’s Damage Control

Harvard Business Review confirms that “only a fraction of organizations systematically act on exit interview data.” It’s important to understand exit interviews from their point of view, not yours.

You’re not helping fix the culture. You’re helping document the company’s defense.

Here’s what usually happens:

• Your insights are skimmed, not studied
• They’re logged in case of future legal risk
• They’re used to discredit you, not create change

Make no mistake HR isn’t confused. They know exactly what they’re doing. It’s a clear view of what their goal is and they’re rarely authentic so you can see straight through it.

Exit Interview Risks: When Honesty Becomes a Liability

If you’re over 50, or a woman in leadership your exit interview is especially risky.

Psychology Today notes that “many organizations interpret assertiveness from women or marginalized professionals as a threat.” While this article isn’t on their site anymore and I read it in a physical magazine I did locate this article which details why they think women over 50 are more assertive. 

HR doesn’t love assertiveness. They despise it. They want soldiers. They’re tasked with profitability not problems.

You may think your exit interview will allow you to leave with dignity. Instead, they may frame you as bitter, difficult, or emotional. That label? It travels with you. Take it from this native New Yorker it’s a very small world.

What to Do Instead of an Exit Interview

Don’t try to teach the company anything on your way out. You’re not their fixer. You’re your own protector.

Here’s what to do instead:

• Exit with grace and not grievances
• Document misconduct privately
• Focus on what’s next and not what’s behind you.

The strongest move you can make is to skip sharing in the exit interview and move forward with strategy. Be polite. Show up. Leave them with nothing that they can take from your conversation as negative.

HR’s Loyalty Isn’t to You And It Never Was

HR is not your therapist and they’re not your coach. They’re NOT a family member who loves you. They report to C-Suite and they are paid by a corporation. They are NOT your ally.

HR is corporate legal defense in a blazer.

They attend meetings where your name is mentioned. They document you and not the people who create the problems.

If you believe they don’t already know what went wrong, think again. They do. And they’ve already written the company’s version of the story.

Walk Away on Your Terms

If this post feels personal  that’s because it is.

This article is for brilliant people who:

• Those who are done pretending HR is neutral
• Have been gaslit, erased, or quietly punished for being honest
• Want to exit smart not loudly, not bitterly, but powerfully

So what now?

Stick with me. I’ll be blogging daily now. Download my book WHY HR HATES YOU on my website. You’re here already just head to the main page of my website. Share this with someone who’s considering giving HR a final word they don’t deserve (privately not over their company email and most certainly don’t send it on LinkedIn’s PM’s.

And when you’re ready to interview? Make sure you get in touch long before you’re scared, angry or need out. A proactive approach can help you months before you’re miserable. I help high performers exit with precision and re-enter with power.

Because you don’t owe HR closure. You owe yourself a clean break and a strong fiscal future.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. If you are facing age discrimination, workplace harassment, or other employment-related issues, consult a qualified employment attorney for guidance on your specific situation.